ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
