peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
