I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
