i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
