I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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