So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
