youre lurking in front of me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
