No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
