I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
