Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
