just come out here and I will go home with you...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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