they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
