JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
