This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
