Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
if i can run in heels then i can drive
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
