Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I FOUND THE LEGS
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
