her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
