R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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