He is an equal opportunity slut.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
