oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
