even my farts smell like vagina
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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