I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
