Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
