My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
