70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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