Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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