I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
