I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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