i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
