Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
