Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
