So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
