And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
