Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just invented taco cereal.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
