They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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