I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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