Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
