I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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