just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
