We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
