I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The Olympian is in my bed
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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