Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
