Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
