dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
