The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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