god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
