he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
