I need help removing her.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
