dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
