I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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